storm contained, sunshine boxed, freedom shackled.

A couple of weeks ago, i caused an accident... yup, in my entire decade and a half of driving, only other people cause accidents... yours truly steered clear with the occasional nick and bump by other drivers...

it was a case of tersilap tekan... in my own dumb carelessness, i looked away from the road for a second and my right foot slipped... from the brakes to the accelerator... *sigh*

radiator, head lights, bonnet, car frame, front bumper (not to mention the stuff i couldnt see behind the radiator)... and the other car only sustained a loose rear bumper...

that goes without saying, my nellie is rendered immovable (is there such a word?)....

oh well...

like i dun feel stupid enough having committed such carelessness... the other party was concerned about me...

that sweet lady, she was concerned that i had no transport and that i would be summoned... well, now it felt bad... i felt bad... very bad...

anyways... after all thats said and done (police reports, tow trucks, dealing with adjusters, insurance agents and my mother)... i must have gone through denial, anger, self-pity and guilt (not remembering in which order)... mrs. lee (thats the sweet lady) has her car back and she's happy about it... and nellie will be back in my hands soon...

i reckon i've learnt my lesson... rather expensive one too, if i might add... and i've come to appreciate humanity just a little more, thanks to mrs. lee... and if i dun treasure nellie enough previously, i definitely do now...

now, if you'll excuse me... its a friday and i'm off to have a good time... heehee....

enjoy the weekend folks.... *poof*

i might not have mentioned this in any of my previous posts or other blogs... but a while ago, sometime october 2008, i was subjected to a rather unpleasant experience while i was on a short holiday.

i returned home feeling somewut disconnected to the world... after a few weeks, convinced that i had gotten over the ordeal, i was back to my old self again... and went about my merry way...

this event was only made known to a few of my close friends... and needless to say, all of them promised murder... not like i blame them, but guys, i'd kinda like y'all to be around me, not in prison serving time for murder alright?

anyways....i digress....

things have a way of sneaking up on you... just months down the road, i was play-fighting with puppy, messing around the house when it happened....

something akin to a panic attack... hyperventilating, blanking out, confusion... and i couldnt stop the tears... i couldnt stop the body from shaking...

i remained in that state for a better part of the hour... and for the next few hours after that, i was disoriented and i couldnt bear to be in the presence of any human...

that goes without saying i scared the heck out of puppy and he was at wits end... i'm sorry sweetheart, i didnt mean to scare you...

over the next few days.... the panic attacks came on an off... each lasting shorter than the previous ones... i believe, it was a way for me to let go...

i have it pretty much in check nowadays... although sometimes excessive stress would just simply be a trigger...

just the other day, i came across this term PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... and i started to look into it....

"After a traumatic experience, environmental cues often become associated with the bad experience and re-exposure to the same environment can trigger fearful emotions or even panic attacks."

perhaps not as serious as how they describe it... but these attacks have caused me enough anxiety already...

oh well, learning to let go is one way... support from good friends as well... perhaps, just perhaps... forgiving is the key too...

someday, i'll completely let go... someday, i'll completely forgive... someday...

today,

i am blind... to wut i do not want to see...

i am deaf... to wut i do not want to hear...

i am mute... to wut i do not want to say...

i am racist... only when i'm behind the wheel...

i am broken... a long time ago...

i am clueless... to happenings around me...

i am bored... when i'm not motivated...

i am hungry... for information...


today,

i am happy... just because...

i am thankful... because i'm happy...

i am racist... isnt everyone?

i am hopeful... because i can dream...

i am positive... well, at least i try to be...

i am in black... because thats my fav color...


today,

i will open my eyes...

i will perk my ears...

i will voice my thoughts...

i will heal old wounds...

i will dream again...

i will still remain a racist....

i will get lost in my own rant...


today,

apparently, i'm still lost in my own rant....

It was to be a combination of excitement, playfulness and exhaustion. One the morning of Valentine's Day, i was asked to puppy-sit for a buddy. He had to send his car to be serviced and the wife didnt have time to look after the pooch coz she had a part-time cleaner coming over as well..... talk about busy people....

so the story goes that i was left with the pup.... a rather adorable pug named hamchoy (cantonese for pickled veggies) how he was named after that, will be another story for another day....*grins*

as i was saying, i was left with the pup. and i had a breakfast date with tailo. and the pup was not trained to properly behave in public. *sigh*

so pup and i hopped into tailo's car and off we went to a puppy friendly place to makan. fortunately, the pup is not car-sick. unfortunately, i was wearing a short skirt (not thinking... stupid me) and the pooch just had his nails trimmed. two words. painful scratches.

we met up with jr. at the coffee shop. pup took an instant liking to jr. and rest was history. kidding.

we all trooped back to my apartment where tailo was finishing up some wind-water readings for me while jr. and pup played.

after they left, i was left alone with the animal. we played for hours. i was tired out by the second hour... but i managed to teach him how to play fetch... heehee *shows victory fingers*

by mid-noon..... another puppy appeared..... of the two legged kind. lolz.....

i left both the puppies to play and went for a nap. puppy no. 2 woke me up mid nap for a surprise....


that was the surprise.... truth to be told, i was kinda expecting this.... to be precise, i was expecting flowers and a trinket.... but i never expected something that expensive....

that goes without saying... i'm touched... very...

oh well, after many years of quiet valentines to myself... or rather ignoring its existence... its touching... i forgot wuts it like to receive gifts during this overly commercialized universal day of love... lolz... so it was nice.

while i watched, the puppies played somemore.... until the little one decided its had enough and wanted a pee, a poop and a nap....

so the pooch napped while we cleaned up its droppings..... *sigh*

puppy 2 and i retreated to the bedroom for a nap... playing with a dog for the whole afternoon could be very tiring....

imagine playing with two.....

*nuff said*

ahahahaha........

after all that.... i must say that i had a rather nice v-day..... with friends and animals and gifts and naps... although, i'm still boggled by the whole overly commercialized part... the mass proposals and the mass weddings... *shivers*

but! in keeping with tradition of love and all that goes with it, its a day to celebrate love, to be in love, to love another and to be loved. this applies to everybody, family, friends and other halfs....

so, happy valentines day! or a belated one.... love y'all people!!!

when the birds are back again to lay eggs..


when its windchimes galore.... (and counting...)


when its anime like clouds..... (slightly over exposed)

when its mandarin oranges after the rolling of them.... (heehee.....)


when its the grandpa i see only once a year.....

when its the sisters-in-laws all together.....

when its momiji.....

when i'm drying soft toys indoors.....


when its chinese new year goodies!!


when its my favourite kinda 'cheecheongfun'.....


when i'm 'fengshui'-ing the office....


when its pj's and doggies.....

when its puppet nudity......


when i can fake a moon during sunrise.....

when its woonhamchoy being cute......

when its one of the handsomest cats i know.....