How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

christmas is over....

it came quietly and left quietly.... i had celebrated the birth of Christ mainly in bed.... get your head out of the gutter please, i was alone in bed.... with my trusty laptop... just surfing the net and watching movies out of it... sleeping when i feel sleepy and only getting up to get a drink of water or take a trip to the loo....

christmas for the past few years were always quiet... i chose to it that way...

sounds depressive doesnt it... hehehe.... but in my own little way, i was having fun....

after dinner with good friends on the eve of christmas, i went home and that was it... raven came over after work and he spent the night, only to get up a couple of hours later to go to work... the poor boy, i feel so bad for him to have to work on christmas day... lolz....

and yeah, for the rest of christmas day i was alone....

hehehe.... it was a rare occasion where i have the day purely to myself doing nothing at all.... and i didnt even feel hungry.... talk about dieting....

but i digress....

yup, christmas came quietly and left quietly, just the way i like it.... when i'm feeling anti social, that is.... lolz... but this year, i have good friends back from across the seas so i had wanted to spend a little time with them... but they have families.... so yeah, hehehe....

it was quiet again....

today is boxing day.... i just might dust off the lazy bugs and go out... even if its by myself.... to see wuts happenned to the city in the aftermath of all that partying....

hehehe.....

and i'll take all my new christmas presents out for a spin.... prolly.... gorgeous strappy wedges from jaime, a cute pink tee from alicia and a lomo camera from raven.... plus all the well wishes from all my friends.....

thanks guys.... i love you all.....

now i'm gonna go and think about my new years resolution..... *muacks*

There I've Said It Again

I love you, there's nothing to hide,
It's better than burning inside,
I love you, no use to pretend
There I've said it again

I've said it, what more can I say,
Believe me, there's no other way,
I love you, I will to the end,
There I've said it again.

I try to drum up,
A phrase that will sum up,
All that I feel for you,
But what good are phrases,
The thought that amazes,
Is that you love me,
And it's heavenly.

Forgive me for wanting you so,
But one thing I want you to know,
I've loved you since heaven knows when,
There I've said it again.
I try to drum up,
A phrase that will sum up,
All that I feel for you,
But what good are phrases,
The thought that amazes,
Is that you love me,
And it's heavenly.

Forgive me for wanting you so,
But one thing I want you to know,
I've loved you since heaven knows when,
There I've said it again.

sung by Bobby Vinton...

when its gorgeous super bikes that i walk pass everyday.....



when its buffalo wings served at a mamak stall.... (yummy!)



when we're racists..... (ROFLMAO)



when its cute little sake cups.....



when its gingerbread stacked into a little tree..... (Merry Christmas! everyone..... )



when its pretty and colourful roses from a good friend.....



when its icy cold beer in the middle of a hot afternoon.....




when its a square watermelon.... hehehe....



when its more superbikes....



when we're enjoying our fruits....



when we're bff..... and pissed drunk.... ahahaha.....

Derusan ombak bersilih ke pantai
Disambut alunan nyiur melambai
Rembulan megah di atas mahligai
Tersenyum melihat kita berdua

Angin membawa lagu cinta
Sejuta bintang bermain mata
Seakan rela dua insan
Di dalam senarionya

Antara Anyir dan Jakarta
Kita jatuh cinta
Antara Anyir dan Jakarta
Kisah cinta tiga malam
Kan ku ingat selamanya
Antara Anyir dan Jakarta

Kita seakan mimpi yang buruk
Ku alami setiap hari
Cinta yang sudah tiada lagi
Tinggal memori membawa kembali

“‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.’”

"Stop it."

A deep, quiet chuckle. A kiss brushed across his bare shoulder. The arm around him tightened its hold, pulling him more securely against a strong, nude body.

Skin against skin in a long, clean line – no unbroken moment where flesh did not touch flesh. There, pressed to the small of his back, irrefutable evidence that his partner was fully awake and ready to start the day in the best way he knew how. The other man did not, however, make a move to initiate their favorite morning wake-up ritual. Instead, he simply held him.

Nevertheless, sleep refused to return.

"I said stop it!" he snapped, keeping his eyes closed as if, by the act of doing so, he could continue to cling to sleep.

Another laugh. Masculine. Knowing.

He felt long strands of hair brush his shoulder as his partner leaned over him to brush a kiss against his cheek.

"I'm not doing anything," the other man mumbled, a quiet protest.

"Stop watching me." he growled, keeping his eyes tightly closed and refusing to buy his lover's innocent act.

"Why?" the other man asked reasonably. His hair tickled where it brushed bare skin. "You looked so content."

He grunted and hugged the other man's arm more tightly around him, entwining their fingers.

"Go back to sleep." he ordered gruffly.

"Don't be cruel, Ayan."

"Don't call me that."

"I never get to watch you sleep. Your face is all smooth and happy, no scowls or glares. It's a rare treat."

"Yohji…"

"'I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I did till we loved?'"

"Donne." Aya snorted, opening his eyes for long enough to send his lover a halfhearted glare.

Yohji smiled brightly at him. "You see?" he asked. "I did read those books you got me for Christmas. Even though there aren't any pictures."

A snort.

"Some of them have pictures."

"Fat, naked Europeans. Not interesting. I'm thinking about replacing them with pictures of you. To…inspire me."

"You don't have any pictures of me."

"That you know of."

A grunt. Aya closed his eyes once more in another futile attempt to go back to sleep. Beside him, Yohji propped himself up on an elbow and set to staring.

Aya opened his eyes to glare again, and Yohji smiled once more. He reached out to caress his cheek, and Aya found himself reluctantly admiring the way the man's taunt, golden skin appeared in the early morning light.

"You know," the blonde observed casually, "You keep buying me books of love poems and the guys are going to catch on to our little secret."

"My giving you poetry doesn't mean that I love you. It means I'm trying to educate you."

Yohji leaned over him to capture his lips in a kiss. Playful, light, teasing. Yohji's kisses were always expressions of his personality, explaining him more perfectly than words ever could.

"That," Yohji declared quietly as he pulled away, "Means you love me."

Aya could find no way to argue with that logic.

So he didn't try.

"And where's the proof of your love?" he countered.

"It's five a.m. on a Sunday and I've been watching you sleep for at least an hour and a half."

"That doesn't mean you love me. It means you're creepy." Extracting himself from the blankets, he began to rise from the bed. "Find a better example. Yotan."

The blonde's laughter followed him as he went into the room's connecting bathroom.

A casual glance in the mirror as he passed by on his way to the shower turned his stomach, making his amusement, his happiness, vanish quickly. Skin too pale, eyes too vibrantly purple, hair like blood. He generally avoided his reflection, but sometimes he forgot. Yohji made him see himself as beautiful. Desirable, even.

And being faced so suddenly with the reminder that he was not was like a physical blow.

The mirror had caught him. His reflection's freakish eyes held his gaze so securely that he barely noticed when Yohji entered the bathroom behind him.

The blonde smiled at him, and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin against his shoulder.

"Why do you love me, Yohji?"

"So now you do believe I love you?" the blonde teased, nibbling his neck. "I thought you were going to make me think of a way to prove it."

"No. I believe you love me." Right now, he added silently, certain that one day the blonde would get over his interest in him and find someone beautiful to love. "I still want to know why."

"Why. Hmm…"

"Yohji."

"What? It's a difficult question." Yohji grinned at him, kissed his cheek, and then turned his attention to their reflection in the mirror.

It was such a contrast. Golden Yohji, pale Aya. Mirthful green eyes, solemn purple. A smile, a scowl. Long, curling golden hair, short, choppy crimson.

"Damn, we look good together." Yohji decided. They both kept their eyes locked on the mirror, watching their images as Yohji caressed Aya's face. "We should make a movie."

"Yohji. I'm serious."

"'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.'"

"Yohji. Don't."

"Hell, Ayan, I just love you. Do you have to know why?"

"Yes," he insisted. "I do."

Silence a long while.

Then a deep sigh.

"I love the way you fit in my arms – as if you were made for me." Yohji said reluctantly. The blonde preferred action, Aya knew. If he had it his way, they would never talk, never leave the bedroom, never leave the bed. Any expression of love would come soley through their bodies, without a need for words to complicate the message. "I love the way you glare and complain and fight me, even though you secretly really enjoy it when I tease you." his eyes bore into Aya's through the mirror – burned him, seared him, left him breathless and trembling. "I love your determination in all things, your dedication, your strong, stubborn soul."

"Yohji…"

Aya's voice was a whimper, a plead, though he didn't know what he was asking for.

Yohji did not break his gaze. His eyes were serious, his mouth unsmiling, his intensity consuming.

"You know how much I need you, and you let me. You let me need you. I can't keep my hands off you, I can't keep away from you, and even though you act like it annoys you, I know that you'll always allow it because you know me that well." Yohji continued. "You understand me so perfectly…you know things that I've never told you. You just know."

The eyes at last dropped from Aya's and moved to graze his body. For once, there was no lust in that heated stare.

"'My Helice the lodestar of my life.'" he murmured quietly, before placing a final, gentle kiss against Aya's temple and stepping away from him. He returned to the bedroom, leaving Aya alone with his reflection.

Aya stared at himself, missing the presence of Yohji beside him. With Yohji's words still ringing in his ears, he could almost see himself as…if not beautiful, then at least somewhat…decent.

"Stop lookin in the mirror!" Yohji yelled from the bedroom. "You're fucking hot and you know it!"

Despite himself, Aya gave a small laugh.

Turning his back on the mirror, Aya returned to the bedroom, where Yohji was waiting with a bright smile and a welcome hug. Yohji kissed him, and the darkness was quickly and efficiently banished from Aya's mind as the two fell back into bed.

Works Cited:

1. John Donne – The Good-Morrow

2. William Shakespeare – Sonnet 116

3. Edmund Spencer – Sonnet 34

Sonnet 34

Lyke as a ship that through the Ocean wyde,

By conduct of some star doth make her way,

Whenas a storme hath dimd her trusty guyde,

Out of her course doth wander far astray:

So I whose star, that wont with her bright ray

Me to direct, with cloudes is overcast,

Doe wander now in darknesse and dismay,

Through hidden perils round about me plast.

Yet hope I well, that when this storme is past

My Helice the lodestar of my lyfe

Will shine again, and looke on me at last,

With lovely light to cleare my cloudy grief.

Till then I wonder carefull comfortlesse,

In secret sorrow and sad pensivenesse.
A ship on the wide ocean gets off course when a storm hides the star that guides it. I feel the same way when you, the one upon whom I depend so much and have become accustomed to look for direction, are not there to encourage me. I feel lost and have a hard time facing life's problems. Therefore, I hope we can soon clear up the trouble between us, Helice, you are the most important person in my life. I want everything to be happy between us again. I will feel so much better then. Until that time, I will wait anxiously and have no peace of mind; I will grieve and be depressed.

Sometimes I know what I want to say to you if I had the chance. Other times it seems to slip through the chinks of my mind.

I don’t want to remember you anymore. Not when you don’t have to remember me.

I don’t want to feel like you’re missing.

You weren’t supposed to break through the wall I put up. You promised you wouldn’t leave, even though I told you we couldn’t make promises.

Fuck you.

You lied, even if you didn’t mean to.

Your promises didn’t mean anything in the end.

And, God help me…I love you.

She was scared.

Of saying yes.

Of saying no.

Of saying yes then later realizing that she should have said no.

Of saying no then later realizing she should have said yes.

the other day, a friend of mine asked me about my soul mate... i told her honestly that i've not met mine. she said, 'wut about your past relationships? werent they your soul mates?' i told her that even though they were my partners, they were never soul mates... 'then why were you together is they are not your soul mates?' i told her that i cannot label anyone a soulmate if i dun mean it.

which brings me to today's topic. ever thought of how loosely the term soul mate is being used nowadays? i've always thought soul mates are someone who are connected to you emotionally and spiritually. they're always there for you if you need them... that your soul mate is your real other half... soul mates to me are like a legend, a myth... they exist because they do... not because i think they manifest themselves physically for me, not because they agree with me or understand my very core...

terms like soul mate, kindred spirits... they mean a whole lot more to me than just any old relationship... as i was surfing the net looking for answers to my question, i came across this article below, the writer, in my opinion, came closest to what i would define a soulmate... read on folks...

Soul mates have different tasks to fulfill in your life, and likewise theirs. It is not always the case that these relationships will exist on a level where 'physical' interaction is involved and this should not be confused with their initial task toward you. Some Soul Mates are here only to serve as being a link between two other Soul Mates of theirs in the first place. This alone is a very important and significant task, as without that link the reunion of the other souls might not ever happen. We will identify with the different characteristics of those Soul Mates together and you should, therefore, be able to detect some of them who are present in your life at this time.

As you can see, there is no limit to what a true Soul Mate might do in order to provide their support and, on many occasions, it is not fully understood why they do so. You might question my statement and wonder why a Soul Mate will give up his or her own Soul Mate to provide a link for someone else to move on in! I mean is this not the dream we are searching for all of our lives? Well, that's beauty of Soul Mate, that is, unconditional love!

Soul Mates are a universal flow of untapped energy that we can relate to as love and many of us do not understand the meaning of this. It is the same thing we keep avoiding all our life when we don't invest ourselves fully in our relationships anyway! On an unconscious level, Soul Mates tap into that energy of unconditional love.

Regardless of the level of your Soul Mate, it does not mean in any way or form that Soul Mates have to be involved in a physical relationship in order for them to be together. In any of those levels, it is very easy to fall into the trap of taking things for granted. This should be avoided at all costs. Both Soul Mates have to be ready to embark into their journey together, and this is very important for the relationship to succeed.

Here are the three levels of Soul Mates I have come to realize and understand through experiences of my own:

Level One: Your mirrored image – These are a rare example. However, it is possible that they do exist in each of our lives at one point or another. We might have one or two in a lifetime from this category, if we are lucky! What makes them special? Soul Mates of this sort come into our life in a fast, weird and unexpected way. The situations and events in our lives begin to change of their own accord, in order to accommodate the arrival and the reunion of both Souls. In such a case such as this, it is can almost be said that it is 'written in the stars!' Both Souls have to be ready for each other, as I did explain before it is not enough to sustain the relationship at its full potential, only by existing as Soul Mates. This level is the strongest and most powerful type of Soul Mates. They do have many similar interests and share an almost equal interest in their life direction. They will think alike, and in many cases will be able to continue speaking a sentence where the other one has left off. They are a mirror of each other, although they do not have to be exactly the same. However, each one compliments the other with their individual strengths and weaknesses and they will understand each other by being on same 'wavelength'.

Level Two: Your Supporter – Soul Mates of this sort are everywhere around you. Try to take deeper look at the people who surround you. Just look around when you are in dire need of help or guidance in a 'life or death' situation or at a time when you have a heavy burden on your shoulders. Who is around you and ready to listen to you when you really need their assistance? Think of the people who bring you comfort and peace when you need it, or who answer your call when you need some help. These types of Soul Mates do have unconditional love towards each other which can sometimes be difficult to comprehend. Is there someone in your life, of whom, you can relate to being there in that fashion?

Level Three: Your Provider – We encounter these types of Soul Mates in situations that might feel 'weird' or perhaps in some un-expected places. We like to refer to them, sometimes, as being our angels. If they occur, they usually will not stay in our lives for a great length of time. You might come across a Soul Mate of this kind when you are just wondering along the street, thinking away to yourself and from nowhere someone will provide with you a small message that will open up a possible answer to those 'thoughts' you have upon a certain circumstance in your life. These Soul Mates are placed on your path 'out of the blue' and we might never see their face again! We then carry on, feeling blessed at having had them in our life at that necessary moment. Their role is to provide us with an answer or a push toward making a small decision in order to keep us moving in our lives and struggles at that time. Can you relate to such an occurrence in your life?

I asked my guides the question, "will I ever meet my Soul Mates?" They replied, "You keep searching throughout your life for the perfect partner for you, but, have you ever questioned if you are a good example of a Soul Mate for someone else?" In reality, the importance is not in hunting to find the right Soul Mate or partner for you. The importance is in whether you yourself are willing to be the 'right' Soul Mate or partner for someone else! Life is a two way street, but, are you ready to be the right one for someone else?

In the end, we all can be the 'right' Soul Mate for anyone we choose in our life, but only when we are ready to treat our partner as a human being, as a soul and to cherish every moment spent with them. Also it is crucial that we learn to let go of the fact that we do have differences between us and any 'ego' that exists in any relationship. How ready are we? That's the bottom line! The search has to start from within ourselves first".

From my account of how Soul Mates exist in our lives, we can see that they are everywhere around us and we have been blessed since the day we were born! How much real attention do we pay to the people around us? I believe that most of the time we do take these people for granted! Why? One main reason is because we become too self-centered, leading to us disregarding those people around us who provide us with help, who listen to us and generally do sympathize with us in our time of need. After all, it is not only about providing someone with sympathy, but about acknowledging people for who they really are.

I would also like to mention here that any relationship that brings the union of 'Old Souls' is above all and the best time and example of soul mates being together, the reason being, for what they will bring to each other in terms of growth, understanding and appreciation. As a result of their union their wisdom, compassion, value of each other and evolution of consciousness will flourish in a way that would be almost impossible for them to achieve if they were united with another soul that is less highly evolved than what they are themselves. In such a case the older soul will always feel a huge gap or that there is something missing in the relationship in terms of their overall understanding and awareness of each other and it is only because the souls exist on two completely different levels of consciousness. I will not go into too much detail here on the subject of 'Old Souls' as I will have an article next month which focuses primarily on this topic.

At the end Soul Mate is about unconditional love. If you have that and you can provide that to anyone around and especially towards your partner, I believe you find your Soul Mate after all!

Wishing you all to be with your Soul Mates!

- by Joseph Ghabi -

someone send me this in an email this morning... i thought i was really sweet and cute.... i reckon its not only meant for girls... but for everyone who is in love.... well, that it for a spin and see if it applies... enjoy your weekend folks!!

Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:

1.

They will always smell good even if its just shampoo

2.

The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder

3.

How cute they look when they sleep

4.

The ease in which they fit into our arms

5.

The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world

6.

How cute they are when they eat

7.

The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while

8.

Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside

9.

The way they look good no matter what they wear

10.

The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth

11.

How cute they are when they argue

12.

The way her hand always finds yours

13.

The way they smile

14.

The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight

15.

The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that
an hour later....

16.

The way they kiss when you do something nice for them

17.

The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'

18.

Actually ...
just the way they kiss you...

19.

The way they fall into your arms when they cry

20.

Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly

21.

The way they hit you and expect it to hurt

22.

Then the way they apologize when it does hurt.

(even though we don't admit it)!

23.

The way they say 'I miss you'

24.

The way you miss them

25.

The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not.
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

*

i love this passage... wonder why...


"i'll be your comrade true;
here to your service i will bind me;
beck when you will, i will not pause or rest;
but in return when yonder you will find me,
then likewise shall you be at my behest.'

(Mephistopheles, the devil)

Then Faust's reply:

"the yonder to me is a trifling matter.
'tis from this earth my pleasure springs,
and this sun shines upon my sufferings;
if to the moment i shall ever say:
'ah, linger on, thou art so fair!'
then may you fetters on me lay,
the i will perish, then and there!"

(Faust)


Faust makes an arrangement with the devil: the devil will do anything that Faust wants while he is here on earth, and in exchange, Faust will serve the devil in hell. Faust's arrangement is that during the time that Mephistopheles is serving Faust, Faust is so pleased with anything the devil gives him that he wants to stay in that moment forever, he will die then and there.


i found this passage somewhere.... its parts of a book thats pieced together.... written by Goethe, a exceptional writer.

another translation i encountered....


i pledge myself to serve you here and now;
the slightest hint will put me at your beck and call,
and if beyond we meet again,
you shall do the same for me.

with that beyond, i scarcely bother.
once we smash this world to bits,
the other world may rise for all i care.
from this earth springs all my joys;
its this sun which shines on all my sorrows.
once, i must take my leave of them,
then come what may, it is of no concern.


and another....


Here to your service I will bind me;
Beck when you will, I will not pause or rest;
But in return when yonder you will find me,
Then likewise shall you be at my behest.

The yonder is to me a trifling matter.
Should you this world to ruins shatter,
The other then may rise, its place to fill.
'Tis from this earth my pleasure springs,
And this sun shines upon my sufferings;
When once I separate me from these things,
Let happen then what can and will.

Wonderful man (Inspired by Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou)

Handsome man ponder at my masculine size
i'm not huge or toned to appeal to the judges eyes
but when i begin to tell them
they think i'm telling lies
i say
it's in the heat of my endurence
the sweat on my neck
the direction of my stride
and the strength of my pecks
i'm a man
wonderfully!
wonderful man
thats who i am

i stroll into a room
just as proud as you think
and to a woman
the ladies stand or
just stare and blink
they look at me
like i'm just too crazy
i say
it's in the action of my words
the humour of my jokes
and those unusual habits
that make me a bloke
i'm a man
wonderfully!
wonderful man
thats who i am

others themselves have tried to know
just what they observe in me
they try so hard
but they just get charred
while trying to work out my interior simplicity
when i try to explain to them
they think i'm silly
i say
it's in the scent of my musk
the hair on my chin
my listening ears
the diamonds in my grin
i'm a man
wonderfully!
wonderful man
thats who i am

now you truly realize
why i keep my face low
i don't brag and prance about
with an inflated ego
when i pass by
i'll let you know
i say
it's in the love of my silence
the sincerity of my voice
the planned decision
in my style of choice
because i'm a man
wonderfully!
wonderful man
thats who i am

- Allen Steble -


This bloke sure do have a sense of humour.... ;p

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

- Robert Frost -

My favourite poem...

cowards....

in a dictionary... its means

---

Synonyms:
1. craven, poltroon, dastard, recreant, milksop.

Word History: A coward is one who "turns tail." The word comes from Old French couart, coart, "coward," and is related to Italian codardo, "coward." Couart is formed from coe, a northern French dialectal variant of cue, "tail" (from Latin cōda), to which the derogatory suffix -ard was added. This suffix appears in bastard, laggard, and sluggard, to name a few. A coward may also be one with his tail between his legs. In heraldry a lion couard, "cowardly lion," was depicted with his tail between his legs. So a coward may be one with his tail hidden between his legs or one who turns tail and runs like a rabbit, with his tail showing.


today, i felt that i got to know wut a true coward is... the inability to face up to confrontations, to brush aside truths that are waving in front of their faces, to pursue the truth to the end while avoiding their own, producing a reason or an excuse for every lie told, who twists facts to their advantage... most of all, a liar...

i was having lunch with a friend today... as usual she was 'telling' me about her boyfriend... (i should make her buy me lunch one day)... they are currently stuck in a situation where she switched from being the gf to the-girl-on-the-side.... i had no idea how that happened... the bugger (i'm ashamed to say, that he is also a friend of mine) is a natural flirt... i guess... things just went off hand... and now, a huge amount of money is involved between the two girls... lawsuits are being treatened... parents are on the verge of being brought into the scene... its a lot of arguing, crying, blaming, denying, threatening on every side...

the bugger claims he loves my friend and that the other woman threatened him with a lawsuit if he doesnt be with her (this was where the money is involved) but he treats the other woman like a lover and shouts and my friend all the time... he refuses to find a way to solve this mess he's brought the two girls into... all the time claiming that he has no way out of this and that he has no choice... even yours truly was not spared... to make a long story short....

girl meets boy, they date, boy flirts with another girl, girl no. 2 falls in love with boy, girl no. 1 has no idea, boy goes into a relationship with girl no.2 not breaking off with girl no.1, girl no. 1 freaks out, girl no. 2 too, boy admits to be in a relationship with girl no.2 but claims to love girl no.1 (the asshole), in the meantime, boy is in trouble and both girls gave him money to stay afloat (this is a lot of money we're talking about), parents of boy does not know about this, so now girl no.2 is official gf while girl no.1 becomes the side-dish, the girls hate each other and are paraniod, boy does nothing about it, concerned friends are blasted for caring, parents of boy still does not know, both girls are miserable, bitter and paraniod, boy still does nothing....

thats basically the story.... bottom line, i can honestly say i've never really labeled anyone in my life a coward seriously... but today... i can honestly say... i've found my first coward...






guardian angels are...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardian_angel

What Are Guardian Angels?

Guardian Angels are thought to be spiritual beings that are "assigned" to assist people here on Earth in various ways. Whether there is one angel per person, one angel for several person or several angels for one person is open to question. But whether you believe in them or not, or whether you want one or not, believers insist that you do have a guardian angel.

What is their assignment? According to "Encounters of the Angelic Kind" at Future365 (now defunct), "they intercept at many junctures in our lives and help wherever they can to make our lives run smoothly. Sometimes this is by inspiring a thought to spur us into action, at others it is to lend us super-human strength, such as in the case of a woman being able to lift a car long enough to free her trapped child. Or we hear of a runaway truck, with an unconscious driver at the wheel, inexplicably swerving sharply at the last moment to avoid a bus stop queue of people. In fact, there are many instances, which are often put down to luck, coincidence or even a miracle, but which have the touch of a hand of light behind it."

i met mine last year... i didnt even know... everytime i shed a tear... he's there saying, i know... he makes me laugh... till tears overflow... he makes my hurt go away... everytime he gently blows... i promise myself to never run away... he walks forward with me... and until today... he is there still, walking silently... i'm glad i met this wonderful person... not sooner not later... because GOD sent him just for me... and their love for me will never waver...

lolz.... shivers.... i cant believe that just came out of my head... but in all honesty, i'm thankful that someone is there watching over me... my guardian angel is believe is not one... but many... because they appear to me in many forms... i thank GOD for all of them... and i thank all of them for being there for me... but one special person, i must thank...

thank you, for listening to my rants
thank you, for putting up with my selfishness
thank you, for letting me soak your shoulders
thank you, for making me laugh until i cry
thank you, for always being there
thank you....

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

"hey... wake up...."
"mmph....."
(taps shoulder)
"wake up....."
(turns over)
"groans"
(shakes shoulders harder)
"come on.... wake up already.... "
(starts)
"alright, alright... i'm up...."
(kisses)
"good morning hun"
"morning... now hurry up and wash your face... i'm ready to go..."
"ok... i'll be done in a while"


(phone rings)
"yeah?"
"hi hun... i'm done... "
"i'm outside at the moment... but i'll be done in about 5 mins... i'll see you at home?"
" ok! i'll see you at home, i love you"


"pooh! you're stinky..."
"no i'm not!!"
"yes you are! ew!!"
"no i'm not... ok, fine... i'll go take a shower before i go out again later ok?"
"ew... alright...hey, you tired?"
"nah... "
"wanna snooze?"
"hmm..."
"you can rest a bit with your eyes closed..."
"ok, lets snooze then..."
(snuggles)
"hey! i thought we were just gonna snooze..."
"but i dun wanna sleep... can't i just cuddle?"
"sigh... ok ok... but be quiet about it, huh?"
"okies!" "you know wut hun?"
"hmm? wut?"
"i love you"
(nods)
"i love you"
"mm..."


"hey, how was dinner?"
"dinner was fine... everything finished?"
"yup... all done..."
"great... lets go home then..."


"let's continue the show tomorrow huh?"
"yeah, lets... i'm rather tired.... lets sleep"


"hey! last one on the bed has to turn off the lamp lights!"
"nyahaha... too bad... *laughs*"
"cheater!"
"you mean smart winners? ahahaha..."
(lights off)
"hun?"
"hmm?"
"thank you"
"for wut?"
"for making me happy"
"i did?"
"yes, for accepting me into your life... and for letting me love you..."
"mm... you dun need to thank me for all these... "
"hun?"
"yeah?"
"i love you"
"......."
"i love you"
"mm..."
"dun leave me ok?" "dun leave me..."
(sobbing softly)
"ssh....."
"i'm so scared..." "so scared..."
"dun leave me..."
"hey... hey..."
"hmm?"
"why are you thinking of such things?"
"i know it will happen someday... i'm so scared that i will be alone again..."
"dun think of things that have not happened ok?"
"but..."
"i'm here now aren't i?"
"but you'll be gone someday...."
"until then.... i'm here.... alright? wuts the point of thinking of things that has not happened?"
(hugs tighter and trembles)
"sshhh..... sweetheart.... i'm here now ok? and until that day comes.... i'll remain here... alright?"
"ok..."
"*sigh*... either you cry it all out or laugh it out.... i'm about to experience my own personal earthquake and flood here... wut's with all the trembling and crying..."
"hey... thats not funny...."
"then why can i hear a smile?"
"i love you.."
"mm..."
"i love you..."
"mm..."
"i'm sorry for unloading it all on you... i had pushed it all behind my head... but it just came rushing out..."
"its ok... i'm sorry for making you feel this way ok?"
"but its not your fault...."
"neither is it yours.... now do you feel better?
"mmm.... yes....."
"alright, lets go to sleep ok?"
"ok... i love you"
"mm..."

Most of the time, i think that i've forgotten GOD... sometimes, i think HE's forgotten me... someone said something to me lately... he told me the story of a drowning man...

it goes a little something like this... there was this man drowning in the sea. he prayed to God. "God, please save me". after awhile, as he was still struggling, a boat came along... "you're drowning, let me help you". the man said, "i'm fine. God will save me" and sent the boatman along his way. not long after that, the man drowned and was sent to the gates of heaven. he met God and ask "God, why did you not save me from drowning?". God answered, "i sent you a boat but you refused. why?"

i dun remember the end of the story though...

perhaps i've been expecting HIM to appear to me in person. to teach me, to guide me, to embrace me, to hold my hands, to dry my tears, to hug me... i've forgotten how to read the signs... that HE will always send you signs, obvious or not, however little or much you pray...

perhaps i've dismissed these signs as nothing... or perhaps i took these signs for granted... perhaps HE is too busy helping other people, he has no time for me... perhaps, the real reason was that i've really forgotten about HIM...

the more i look at it... the more obvious it is...

"GOD loves you... that is why he sent me to help you"
"GOD loves you more than me... coz he sent you someone to love"
"GOD loves you... that is why he sent you to help me"

i've never really looked at it from anyother point of view... its always a relationship between me, The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost... it has never occured to me that it involves other people as well...

I've never learnt how to pray properly... i usually just carry on a conversation by myself quietly... hoping that HE knows that i'm praying in my own way... maybe that's why i'm blind to certain things...

there is a Malay saying... 'rezeki jangan ditolak' perhaps, that is also one of the ways GOD is trying to show us that HE is always there for us... that HE will always provide for us... that HE will never let us suffer... that we should sometimes put aside our pride, stubborness and shame to accept help...

In my adamance in keeping my promise to myself to never run away anymore... i've forgotten that HE is always waiting... all i had to do was ask...

well... i could kick myself in the head a few hundred times for not remembering this...

Lord, i'm sorry to have forgotten you are always here for me. Please continue to guide and care for this lost lamb. If the need be, a neat whack on the head will do as well. Thank you, Lord... for showing me the signs... for reminding me that holding on to my pride always blinds me from seeing You. Thank you, Lord... for always being there... Amen.

This morning, i received a long sms from puppy... my phone had died mid-conversation yesterday and i had not bothered to turn it back on after that... when i switched on the phone at work this morning after i plugged it into the charger... this appeared...


The sun goes down leaving shades of gray
The night has taken over from the day
Called you yesterday but the phone was dead
A sense of fear crept into my head
Drove to your place past midnight
Talking to myself, darling please be alright

When I saw Nellie just sitting there
A sense of relief filled the air
Didnt go up to look around
Cause I thought my baby was safe and sound
Went back home to take my nap
Sleepily into my bed I crept

The sun has risen again today
Sayang, I know that you are on your way
Before work starts I just want to say
Sayang, I love you and have a nice day

The sun goes down leaving shades of gray
The night has once again conquered the day
The stars will come out shining bright
Sayang, I love you and I'll be home tonight...



Apparently, the child was worried about me... thinking something happened... lolz... i thought it was really sweet of him... so he drove over in the middle of the night to check on me... although he did not come up to the apartment, when he saw nellie (thats the name of my car) he was relieved...

Adorable isnt he? heehee.....

when its taking each other's picture....

when you can fit into a massive closet..... lolz.....

when its multi-tasking.....

when you're with friends that matter.....

when you see signs like these.....

when its fish spa!!.... heehee, it tickles......

when its delicious pavlova..... yum.....

when everyone is sprawled on the floor watching tv.....

when its ghostly green plants.....

when it old photo effects....

when its a random corner of my bed.... ew... dusty.....

when you dun wish to get out of bed....

when its peacock feathers......

when its dad's 66th birthday....

when its my two babies looking in from outside the house.....