storm contained, sunshine boxed, freedom shackled.

Most of the time, i think that i've forgotten GOD... sometimes, i think HE's forgotten me... someone said something to me lately... he told me the story of a drowning man...

it goes a little something like this... there was this man drowning in the sea. he prayed to God. "God, please save me". after awhile, as he was still struggling, a boat came along... "you're drowning, let me help you". the man said, "i'm fine. God will save me" and sent the boatman along his way. not long after that, the man drowned and was sent to the gates of heaven. he met God and ask "God, why did you not save me from drowning?". God answered, "i sent you a boat but you refused. why?"

i dun remember the end of the story though...

perhaps i've been expecting HIM to appear to me in person. to teach me, to guide me, to embrace me, to hold my hands, to dry my tears, to hug me... i've forgotten how to read the signs... that HE will always send you signs, obvious or not, however little or much you pray...

perhaps i've dismissed these signs as nothing... or perhaps i took these signs for granted... perhaps HE is too busy helping other people, he has no time for me... perhaps, the real reason was that i've really forgotten about HIM...

the more i look at it... the more obvious it is...

"GOD loves you... that is why he sent me to help you"
"GOD loves you more than me... coz he sent you someone to love"
"GOD loves you... that is why he sent you to help me"

i've never really looked at it from anyother point of view... its always a relationship between me, The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost... it has never occured to me that it involves other people as well...

I've never learnt how to pray properly... i usually just carry on a conversation by myself quietly... hoping that HE knows that i'm praying in my own way... maybe that's why i'm blind to certain things...

there is a Malay saying... 'rezeki jangan ditolak' perhaps, that is also one of the ways GOD is trying to show us that HE is always there for us... that HE will always provide for us... that HE will never let us suffer... that we should sometimes put aside our pride, stubborness and shame to accept help...

In my adamance in keeping my promise to myself to never run away anymore... i've forgotten that HE is always waiting... all i had to do was ask...

well... i could kick myself in the head a few hundred times for not remembering this...

Lord, i'm sorry to have forgotten you are always here for me. Please continue to guide and care for this lost lamb. If the need be, a neat whack on the head will do as well. Thank you, Lord... for showing me the signs... for reminding me that holding on to my pride always blinds me from seeing You. Thank you, Lord... for always being there... Amen.