storm contained, sunshine boxed, freedom shackled.

"hey... wake up...."
"mmph....."
(taps shoulder)
"wake up....."
(turns over)
"groans"
(shakes shoulders harder)
"come on.... wake up already.... "
(starts)
"alright, alright... i'm up...."
(kisses)
"good morning hun"
"morning... now hurry up and wash your face... i'm ready to go..."
"ok... i'll be done in a while"


(phone rings)
"yeah?"
"hi hun... i'm done... "
"i'm outside at the moment... but i'll be done in about 5 mins... i'll see you at home?"
" ok! i'll see you at home, i love you"


"pooh! you're stinky..."
"no i'm not!!"
"yes you are! ew!!"
"no i'm not... ok, fine... i'll go take a shower before i go out again later ok?"
"ew... alright...hey, you tired?"
"nah... "
"wanna snooze?"
"hmm..."
"you can rest a bit with your eyes closed..."
"ok, lets snooze then..."
(snuggles)
"hey! i thought we were just gonna snooze..."
"but i dun wanna sleep... can't i just cuddle?"
"sigh... ok ok... but be quiet about it, huh?"
"okies!" "you know wut hun?"
"hmm? wut?"
"i love you"
(nods)
"i love you"
"mm..."


"hey, how was dinner?"
"dinner was fine... everything finished?"
"yup... all done..."
"great... lets go home then..."


"let's continue the show tomorrow huh?"
"yeah, lets... i'm rather tired.... lets sleep"


"hey! last one on the bed has to turn off the lamp lights!"
"nyahaha... too bad... *laughs*"
"cheater!"
"you mean smart winners? ahahaha..."
(lights off)
"hun?"
"hmm?"
"thank you"
"for wut?"
"for making me happy"
"i did?"
"yes, for accepting me into your life... and for letting me love you..."
"mm... you dun need to thank me for all these... "
"hun?"
"yeah?"
"i love you"
"......."
"i love you"
"mm..."
"dun leave me ok?" "dun leave me..."
(sobbing softly)
"ssh....."
"i'm so scared..." "so scared..."
"dun leave me..."
"hey... hey..."
"hmm?"
"why are you thinking of such things?"
"i know it will happen someday... i'm so scared that i will be alone again..."
"dun think of things that have not happened ok?"
"but..."
"i'm here now aren't i?"
"but you'll be gone someday...."
"until then.... i'm here.... alright? wuts the point of thinking of things that has not happened?"
(hugs tighter and trembles)
"sshhh..... sweetheart.... i'm here now ok? and until that day comes.... i'll remain here... alright?"
"ok..."
"*sigh*... either you cry it all out or laugh it out.... i'm about to experience my own personal earthquake and flood here... wut's with all the trembling and crying..."
"hey... thats not funny...."
"then why can i hear a smile?"
"i love you.."
"mm..."
"i love you..."
"mm..."
"i'm sorry for unloading it all on you... i had pushed it all behind my head... but it just came rushing out..."
"its ok... i'm sorry for making you feel this way ok?"
"but its not your fault...."
"neither is it yours.... now do you feel better?
"mmm.... yes....."
"alright, lets go to sleep ok?"
"ok... i love you"
"mm..."

Most of the time, i think that i've forgotten GOD... sometimes, i think HE's forgotten me... someone said something to me lately... he told me the story of a drowning man...

it goes a little something like this... there was this man drowning in the sea. he prayed to God. "God, please save me". after awhile, as he was still struggling, a boat came along... "you're drowning, let me help you". the man said, "i'm fine. God will save me" and sent the boatman along his way. not long after that, the man drowned and was sent to the gates of heaven. he met God and ask "God, why did you not save me from drowning?". God answered, "i sent you a boat but you refused. why?"

i dun remember the end of the story though...

perhaps i've been expecting HIM to appear to me in person. to teach me, to guide me, to embrace me, to hold my hands, to dry my tears, to hug me... i've forgotten how to read the signs... that HE will always send you signs, obvious or not, however little or much you pray...

perhaps i've dismissed these signs as nothing... or perhaps i took these signs for granted... perhaps HE is too busy helping other people, he has no time for me... perhaps, the real reason was that i've really forgotten about HIM...

the more i look at it... the more obvious it is...

"GOD loves you... that is why he sent me to help you"
"GOD loves you more than me... coz he sent you someone to love"
"GOD loves you... that is why he sent you to help me"

i've never really looked at it from anyother point of view... its always a relationship between me, The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost... it has never occured to me that it involves other people as well...

I've never learnt how to pray properly... i usually just carry on a conversation by myself quietly... hoping that HE knows that i'm praying in my own way... maybe that's why i'm blind to certain things...

there is a Malay saying... 'rezeki jangan ditolak' perhaps, that is also one of the ways GOD is trying to show us that HE is always there for us... that HE will always provide for us... that HE will never let us suffer... that we should sometimes put aside our pride, stubborness and shame to accept help...

In my adamance in keeping my promise to myself to never run away anymore... i've forgotten that HE is always waiting... all i had to do was ask...

well... i could kick myself in the head a few hundred times for not remembering this...

Lord, i'm sorry to have forgotten you are always here for me. Please continue to guide and care for this lost lamb. If the need be, a neat whack on the head will do as well. Thank you, Lord... for showing me the signs... for reminding me that holding on to my pride always blinds me from seeing You. Thank you, Lord... for always being there... Amen.