storm contained, sunshine boxed, freedom shackled.

When a person suffers from a certain amount of trauma... they shut a part of themselves off from the world...

its probably some sort of defense mechanism created out of necessity by the psyche to protect itself from further harm...

it result into many different forms....

to protect themselves and those who care, some people close that part of the heart away forever, some laugh it off, some hide behind a mask of indifference, some just hide....

but one thing is certain... its a mask... its a mask on top of the many masks... to soothe over the hurt, the shock, the sadness...

we all suffer from trauma, big or small, many times in our short lives... in this age and society, how do we deal?

its not as easy as just going insane anymore is it? its not as easy as just slicing a blade across your wrists anymore is it?

i've never asked if you loved me
but its always yes, yes and yes...
should i ask it of you someday
you'd say, 'baby, why ask when you know the answer? its yes, yes and yes...'

as i was approaching my birthday (which incidentally was on the 7th of this month.. ), i first had to deal with a yo-yo ride...

it started off end august, which was chris's birthday.... was happy for him and all, then it was tailo's birthday, was happy as well.... ok... this was the chronologial order of wut happenned to me since end of august 2010, then you tell me if it was a yo-yo week....

august 2010 - chris's birthday
3rd sept 2010 - merv's birthday
4th sept 2010 - news of the passing of james how on the 3rd sept 2010 (rip)
5th sept 2010 - news of the passing of robert lee on the 4th sept 2010 (rip)
6th sept 2010 - news of bernard's dad having a second heart attack (he's still in critical condition)
7th sept 2010 - i turned 37

lovely isnt it? before i can wrap my head around one death, another hits me in the face... in between all that was a whole lot of stress at work...

i had gone through the passing of many friends' fathers in these two years (chris, merv, penny, anna, my own uncle).... and all awful news that i had been getting is freaking me out on my own dad. *sigh* not a happy thought mind you... but it creeped up on me.... and so i had to deal with it... deal with it i did... i prayed that my dad lived forever, anyone but him... i remembered the guilt of those selfish thoughts...

not enough i had to deal with turning 37 (lolz....) i had to deal with deaths and family crisis (even if i was not personally involved)

on a happier note... i had two birthday cakes this year.... one from hippo tan and another one i shamed my boss into buying... *evil grin*, delicious japanese dinner with bobby, lovely shabu-shabu dinner with hippo, a yummy thai dinner with charmaine *still can't say that name without grinning*, and a wonderful day out with michelle (we had dinner at the loaf and she gave me benetint!)

this year, i got a new dress from mom, benetint from mitch, b'day cake from hippo, a bracelet from bernard, book vouchers from work, skincare from bobby and many many many many warm and lovely birthday wishes from a lot of people....

In the end... i've never gotten around to blogging my Bali trip... *sigh*

As we inch closer to our country's 53rd year of independence... one cant help but think... would this 1Malaysia idea work?

most of us would have wished fervently that i will... some of us would turn our noses up on it and continue on our way....

while the government has been promoting this 1Malaysia ideal positively, wut happens in the real world tells us otherwise...

lets face it... we're racists... whether we want it or not... no, its not one of those outright haters... but sometimes in our everyday life... like when you're driving and you meet this driver that drives in between two roads... you wouldnt go stupid driver... you'd go stupid (insert race denominations please)... right?

lolz... dun deny it.... we've all done it a few times in our lives... consiously or not.... you know, stuff like that...

i wont deny that i'm a racist... lolz... in fact i embrace it... and yet, i have friends in every race denomination... and i love all of them... so wut does that make me?

well, wutever it is... we as malaysian... or humans... will not hope for unrest... we all want peace on earth... right?

so as we approach our 53rd year... i really hope that we put aside our skin colour differences and work slowly but surely together and really make this 1Malaysia ideal a truth... hehehe.... i rather like the idea of that...

or, oh well... just give it a little thought eh? we all stand to gain from it...

yeah, yeah... i'll stop... hehehe...

anyways... happy birthday Malaysia!!

i actually started a new blob... but this time its a picture blog where i dump all my randomly shot photos.... check it out if you like....

http://wutisee.blogspot.com/