Bedroom Guest
4 months ago
when you're bored and dun feel like working... but there's nothing else to do anyways.... not like you wanna do it....
i'm bored!!!!!
how do you know when you're exhausted.....
when you feel listless.... when you feel antsy.... when you feel edgy.... when you're lashing out at innocent bystanders.... when you feel claustrophobic.... when you feel uninspired.... when you feel bored.... when you want to disappear into nothingness.... when you want to shut the whole world out.... when you feel frustrated with the world.... when you feel really really small.... when you feel unloved.... when you feel out of control.... when you feel worthless....
its a fine line between exhaustion and depression......
it was to be a day of moral compasses and inaugural speeches.....
yours truly was late... for the umpteenth time... *sigh* different routes, different times.... its all makes no difference... its like its a global conspiracy against me to make me tardy for everything! *sigh*.... anyways.... its alright, i'll just have to get over that and go on with everything else.... ehe...
ah... we're going off tangent.... and right off the bat too!!
i rushed into the office today to quickly turn on the pc and see if i'm able to catch whatever remains of the inauguration of barrack obama.... president obama to you and me, mind you... lolz....
luckily enough, i was able to stream (dun tell my boss, he'll have my head for this... heehee...) the highlights of the whole event, well, plus minus some of them.... but wut i wanted was the inaugural address.... which i got, in action and in script.... boy was i impressed....
the delivery of the address, the crowd, the celebrations... *sigh* see for yourself....
so wut do you think? rather inspiring isnt it? it was the same when i heard his election address.... i was like, *fuh* this man can talk.... which makes you wonder why the leaders of our bolehland here cant be as articulate as that? lolz... but thats asking of too much isnt it? heehee....
then, there's this question about moral compass.... wut in the world is it? apparently it sorta looks like this:
I found this somewhere on the net - Have we lost our moral compass?
It would appear so. After all God- the originator of the moral compass- has been pushed out of practically every part of public life including our schools.
God told us long ago- Where there is no revelation the people cast off restraint. - Proverbs 29:18
For those of us who believe in this revelation the loss of our moral compass does present a crisis, but a crisis according to the way the Chinese define it contains equal parts danger and opportunity.
I like that viewpoint. We already see the danger, now how about seizing the opportunities?
Light shines brightest in darkness. Are we letting our light illuminate the way back to a moral center? Are we dashing out into the highways and the byways to assist those injured there? Are we becoming a beacon of grace in this graceless culture?
Our moral compass is not lost. Many have just lost their way to it. We should be urgent in our efforts to help them rediscover it.
This is an interesting article...
Regaining our moral compass
By Lily Galili
It is hard to remember when exactly moral discourse vanished from our public arena. It happened sometime during the second intifada, as even Israel's left replaced morality with a value system of pragmatic justifications. It is no longer about what is permitted and what is forbidden, even in the context of a bloody conflict. It is about which actions are worthwhile and feasible. Morality became something for nerds, a label the left is afraid of.
The deal Israel's left made was also splendidly pragmatic: It would market the two-state solution to the public and in return make "the other" disappear. Thus the limits of morality were replaced by the limits of power, and universal values were exchanged for the winning argument: "It's good for the Jews." The ultra-scrupulous, who have felt a certain discomfort about having the moral lobe excised from their brains, squirm and say: "It's not that I love Arabs all of a sudden, but ..." Such thinking is on par with the annoying cliche: "It isn't that the Arabs have suddenly become lovers of Zion."
This distorted situation has been perpetuated to the extent that it has become impossible to remember that there used to be a different reality. This is what things look like today: Yisrael Beiteinu MK Avigdor Lieberman is proposing to move Israel's Arab citizens to another country. The counterargument: This isn't practical. The siege on Gaza is starving its inhabitants. The counterargument: They're just going to launch more Qassams. Jews are launching pogroms against Arabs in Hebron. Not a good idea at all - it'll just prompt reprisal actions.
The list is long and astounding. And if revoking citizenship were practical, and if Arabs were to swear on the Koran not to respond to the siege and the pogrom, would it be morally right to carry out all those actions?
Assuming that the answer is no, no one is going to say so aloud. It is hard to find anyone in the public arena, and certainly the political arena, to sound a moral voice and propose clear norms of good and evil. To use a technological metaphor - the moral compass has been replaced by a practical GPS. And for those who prefer metaphors from a different conceptual realm: It has been a long time since the prophets disappeared from our lives - the prophets of wrath and even the false prophets. Today no one even has the pretensions of prophesizing. This is, after all, the role of intellectuals in the modern world - to discern the boundaries between good and evil, between what is permitted and what is forbidden. In short, to be prophets. However, if we return to Ahad Ha'am's distinction between a priest, who serves the people and gives them what they need, and a prophet, who chastises and rebukes, our intellectuals serve as translators into the language of the possible and the worthwhile - a reality that we understand in any case. What a waste of their talents.
It should be noted that we have an abundance of priests. We don't need Amos Oz to declare resoundingly that the Labor party's historic role has come to an end - for that we have pollster Mina Zemach. But this, too, has already become tradition. Oz, sometimes by joining an impressive duet with A.B. Yehoshua, has proposed several unity governments over the years and has established and dismantled coalitions using advice whispered into the ears of pet politicians. It is not clear who bestowed this role on the two novelists, a role usually reserved for political bigwigs. Yet it is perfectly clear that they have betrayed their role as trailblazers and identifiers of morality and justice. In the choice between priest and prophet, they chose to be priests.
There is no one who will preach morality to us on behalf of the Palestinians, Israel's Arabs, the handicapped, the poor and all the "others." The latest report by the Association for Civil Rights in Israel shows crystal clear that we have already exacerbated all the damage we can do to them. The drama is turning into a real social and political tragedy, as the prophets are slowly being replaced by the messiahs. As a result of this process, a large public is finding itself trapped between priest and messiah, a deadly combination in an environment lacking clear moral criteria.
Obviously it is difficult to talk about morality in a reality of corrupt governments and a distorted division of the world into the axis of evil and the rest. But now, precisely now, a window of opportunity for correction has opened. Barack Obama's election as U.S. president has immediately changed the atmosphere, and the global economic crisis is restoring some moral consideration to economic discourse. Israel's government is about to be replaced and a new leftist party wants to take over the leadership of "the camp." Such a move must be accompanied by a semantic change and a revised consciousness - including, for example, explicitly saying that some things aren't done, not because they don't bring any gain, but because they are immoral. To use such language does not turn the speaker into a "sucker" - it transforms him or her into a human being. The left has done its share in the transformation of morality into an expression of weakness; now it has a chance to restore morality to its natural place as an important element in the nation's strength.
However, right now, it doesn't seem like this is going to happen. On arid earth where there is no morality, no new left will grow.
something to think about folks....
you know, every chinese new year always comes with this feeling of excitement.... no, seriously.... no matter how old you get or jaded and cynical you claim to be.... you cant help but feel if even just a teeny weeny bit of it.....
aw, come on..... no? really? oh puhleese.... think about it really hard...
beneath all the complaints of excessive money spending... after all that once a year spring cleaning... in the midst of all that baking... listening to all that nagging from your mother? none?
oh well.... i love cny.... all that nagging, all the shopping, all the making plans with friends to visit, all the spring cleaning...
its that once a year mandarin oranges, my auntie connie's pineapple tarts, red outfits (all the way into the undies), the overkill decorations, the reunion dinner, the outlawed fireworks that scares the bejeezus out of me when i'm asleep, the lion dances, the ang-paus, the fengshui predictions for the year, the yee-sang, the loud broadcasting of cny songs, the receiving of the god of fortune, the last minute hair salon visits.... most of all, the long awaited long holiday that most of us get....
every year, i'll complain about it.... every year i end up joining in the fun and festives and having a blast....
in year 2008, i had not celebrated... i thought that work was more important.... i ended up working through cny.... which apparently, set the pattern for the entire year.... lolz...
this year though... i'm in this full swing... i bought my cny new clothes (albeit, most of them were black), i'm spring cleaning the apartment, i bought new plants and curtains for myself, i helped mom out with her usual long list of cny errands and i'm preparing the fengshui stuff that tailo instructed me to do (its a long list of plant, box, coins, paper, oranges, horse.... dun ask, just do...)....
yes, yes.... spent a lot of money when i dun have any to spend.... but i've decided not to think too much into it.... and have fun.... and the best of all, this year, other than the family whom i love to bits (mitch, this includes you as well.... *muacks*) those i hold dear in my heart, they are all around... tailo, chris, tracy, alicia, jaime, alfie, raven... etc.... heehee....
i'm so gonna have a blast this year..... Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!
for more on CNY - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_New_Year
when i figure out how to use the features in a digi-cam.....
when the whole family is together.....
when its cunningly made crafts....
when we're all leaning to one side.... (why ah?)
when its blurry iced strawberry....
when its yee sang time!!!
when you cant tell if its a rat, bear or pig....
when its antique wine goblets....
when its yam seng time!!!
when my nephew reyes pulls funny stunts and poses.....
when its that close to chinese new year...... (i love chinese paper cuttings)
when its sunrise.....
when its sunset.....
when the moon glows on high....
when it looks like an eating contest.....
when chris succumbs to wearing my reading glasses.... lolz....
when passing by heritage spots.....
when its yummy fried laksa.... trust me, its good.....
when stairways like this always looks promising....
when you're tired and haggard and with good friends.....
its cloudy outside the window
the music is hushed
my heart begins thinking of you...
on every grey day, i would always hope that you will be at my side i wonder what you're doing now....
the lights are dimmed the music is hushed the cotton candy in the mouth has melted...
its cloudy outside the window
the soul is spiritless
my heart begins thinking of you...
i miss you so much.....
the phone rang
hello? its you!
you wanted to talk
i thought your heart is missing me
why do you sound so cold?
you've changed, you've changed...
hello? hello?
the lights are extinguished
the music is stilled
falling tears cannot be held back...
the sky is raining
the soul is sad
i am hurt inside
do you still remember? we used to love to sit by the window on grey days and speak of nothing... when its starts to rain, it feels like we're sheltered from this world... can we reprise those days again? suddenly, i wanted to call you...
the phone rang
please answer the phone....
you wanted to talk
i really just wanted to hear your voice...
i thought your heart is missing me
why do you sound so cold?
you've changed, you've changed...
please don't treat me this way...
the lights are extinguished
the music is stilled
falling tears cannot be held back...
is it really the sky raining or is it raining in my heart...
the sky is raining
the soul is sad
i am hurt inside
i am hurt inside
do you really know how does it feel to be hurt? without you at my side, the world feels grey... when will i ever get better....
red curtains to block out the light.....
doorway into doorway into doorway.....
lovely reflection....
perfect for voyeurs....
a small window of light.... where does it take us?
secrecy at its best....
connections to the other world.....
chains that lead nowhere.....
ugly feet.....
kitty's favourite sunning spot......
Its been a month and three days.... but for me it was just a week ago....
On the first of January two thousand nine.... at around ten thirty pm.... i was hailed on msn by my old friend Karen. She had bad news to tell me.... i felt the fear descending over my body....
the fear that i had held afar ever since seventh of december two thousand eight... when i saw the body of that dead child who had fallen block 3A....
just as i thought, me fears have come to light.... my heart stopped and broke....
'i have bad news to tell you.' she says...
'my daughter is dead.' she says...
'i'm sorry i didnt let you know sooner. i was to distraught and sick.' she says...
a gasp... a tear... a sob... then disbelief...
then shoulder heaving, heartrending sobs tore their way out of my soul.... my heart broke on its way....
she was dead... jocelyn teh... this adorable 10 year old that i saw from conception, to pregnancy to birth, to growth... one of the prettiest little girls i know... gentlest of souls too... also one of the most damaged of souls... i had adored this child with soft and vibrant eyes...
she was mentally tortured by her father... so much so that she hated to go visit him... so much so that her step-father who loved her like his own, send her to a doctor to have her psyche evaluated... so much so that she attempted suicide a few times...
now she is at peace. now she sleeps on. no ugly images of knives and graves and blood will rent her mother's heart. now she is safe.
darling child... adored by everyone.... i can only offer this to you.... know that you're grieved... know that you're never forgotten... know that you're always loved...
So often,
We believe that we have come to a place
That is void of hope and void of possibilities,
Only to find that it is the very hopelessness
That allows us to hit bottom,
Give up our illusion of control,
Turn it over, and ask for help.
Out of the ashes of our hopelessness
Comes the fire of our hope.
author~Anne Wilson Shaef
The story of the Phoenix is as old as time. The tale of a bird burning itself every 500 years in order to renew its immortality has been passed through all major civilizations since the ancients Greeks. Sensing old age and lackluster, the mystical bird collects kindling and fans its own fire while nesting upon the flames. From the ashes of the old Phoenix, a young and beautiful Phoenix is reborn. By overcoming fire, death, and old age, the Phoenix represents triumph over adversity and rebirth into glory, thereby providing hope and constancy ~
Out of my ashes
Will rise a new phoenix.
A soaring being
Returning from death
Proving once again
That life is eternal.
I live forever
Because the spirit
Never dies.
I will return
In another body
In another time,
But it is me.
The me who is me now
Will always be.
As long as I live,
I learn.
And I live
F o r e v e r
author~ Priyanka Teredesai
call it whatever - phoenix, garuda, firebird, feng huang, ho-ou, bennu, angha, ardana, averlerion...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenix_(mythology)
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